Living in South Africa comes with a constant conflict, at least for me. It is something people from more developed nations can't truly understand. On some days I can literally go from one emotional extreme to the other. In the morning I can be happy and confident and say to myself and others that I will stay in South Africa forever and all Saffas should do the same but by lunch time I am ready to buy a ticket and leave this country. This range of emotional extremes typically stretches over longer periods for me like months or weeks but there are some days when my confidence and courage sways and I feel like a fake for promoting this country and at times judging others. I don't know if people from other developing countries feel the same but it tires me out. I wish I could just for once have that sense and courage to make a forever decision but I am not there yet and not sure it is a luxury I will ever have.
Load shedding is always a big trigger for me but in this beautiful country there are many. I know my American friends (liberal and conservative) tend to think their country is going down the drain but I think South Africans are on knifes edge in a more potent way about the future of SA and consequently their own futures. I like reading the news but it gets challenging reading the news here because I need to also consider my mental health.
I wouldn't still be here or have come back if I don't have hope. There is always still hope and will always be, at least in my view, but it gets challenging. Mostly I don't want to write rosy words but rather call leaders out with creatively rude words, although today is not that day.